Monday, March 4, 2013

Honestly...

Where has the time gone?!?! It is so hard to believe that we are into March full-swing, knocking on spring break's door!  (whoop!whoop!)  So much has gone on, but nothing has gone on, if that makes any sense? 

I am alive and doing great!  I have completed 12 chemos and have 7 left ... I have no real words of "inspiration" in the midst of all this right now.  I just know that I get a little emotional thinking that the end is near and I will be finished with this "season"  soon.  Probably sooner than I really realize...funny how life does that do you, isn't it? 

Truthfully, the month of January was an emotional roller coaster for me.  I knew I was on the downhill slope of all of this but my life has so drastically been changed that sometimes, it's just down right frustrating!  My mind is telling me one thing but my body is saying something else.  I feel like I am in a constant battle with my emotions and the physical part of me.  Those of you that know me well, know that I tend to be a bit hard-headed (Yes, I realize this is an understatement!), anyway....this has probably been the biggest challenge for me with this:  Admitting that I need to slow down and rest for the moment.  This. Is. Hard.  Probably one of my life's hardest lessons.  I like to be on the go all the time.  I like to be "moving and shaking".  It's hard to admit that maybe, just maybe my endurance isn't quite the same right now. I hope this will change, but for now, I am learning (or trying) to learn to slow down. 

I go next week for round #13.  Almost there.  Almost there.  Almost there...yes ladies and gentlemen, I believe I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!  As I was checking out of the clinic today, I noticed a "survivor dinner" next week in the surrounding area.  I got a little choked up thinking that this time next year, I might like to go to that dinner.  I mean, by then, this ole gal will have earned her place in the "survivor" realm, right!?!  Again...my eyes well up with tears.  Another "medal" to match my wall...one of my toughest, right?  You know, as bad as I am ready for this ordeal to be over, do you know that I would not change a thing about it?!?!  Has this been easy?  No.  Has my life changed? YES!!  DRASTICALLY!!!  But so much for the BETTER!!  Truly. I am sorry if I sounded like I complained earlier, or any time for that matter...but some days, I do long for "normalcy" again.  I am ready to be "me" again. 

I hope I won't be as long blogging again.  But until next time please continue to pray for my family and me,

Until next time!  BLESSINGS!!!

E
 

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